The world has officially inverted for me.
My wife, Kelly, is working every day in an office for 8 hours.
She is dealing with emails all the time.
Hell, she even has a morning call at 0630, our time, with some folks in her company located in Montreal.
I am at home trying to prepare for a book launch.
I clean every day, run errands and pick up the dog shit in the back yard.
Hell, the only calls I make today are after 0800, our time, to friends.
If I am honest, it is a bit emasculating. After all, earning the money entitled me to be pissed off and enabled me to take on that hero complex ("If I don't go to this job that makes me miserable and earn money, then what will happen to us?") It also allowed me to feel sorry for myself. I also believed my whole life that it was the man's job to support the house financially.
Now that isn't happening. In fact, it is the opposite.
I have done my share of couples' therapy. I find it very helpful, especially when it isn't being done as a goal line stance to save the marriage.
But no amount of therapy equates to actually experiencing a sliver of what the other person in a relationship has experienced. The fact that I no longer get up at 3am, go into an office, bitch and moan either aloud or to myself about everything that is wrong, and then pat myself on the back for stomaching such a terrible existence is great. But doing other kinds of work outside the office has its own share of headaches. I feel "less than" at times. I feel bad to see my wife go off to work, knowing she is currently the only source of income. I am in Whole Foods every other day deciding whether to buy Quinoa or Rice, to buy Chard or Kale.
This new existence challenges all of my existing judgments on the male-female roles in a marriage as far as generating income.
It is at times emasculating. But maybe it is maturing.
Maybe, by questioning these judgments, I am opening myself up to the possibility that I was wrong in my beliefs about how a marriage is supposed to "work."