As I lay on the beach, in this little cove in Tulum, Mexico, I notice 10-12 pelicans doing dive runs for food. The thing that is most interesting to me is the patience they show before pointing their beaks down and barreling towards the ocean. They seem to wait for that moment when they have the maximum chance for success and then, when that moment presents itself, they fully commit to their paths to the water.
I was thinking how differently I have lived my life. I have been constantly impatient and impulsive. I was never content that I could find the correct path by simply waiting until it presented itself; quite the opposite, I jumped at every crazy idea with visions of more and more grandeur.
I didn’t wait for things to unfold naturally, I forced them. I tried to impose my will on the world and “make things happen”. This inevitably led to frustration and anger and a desire to move on to the next thing because that would “be better”. It was always the next adventure or thing or person that would improve my life. I acted the same way when I was managing money years ago. This is most likely one of the reasons I am not managing money today. I have a friend, a successful money manager who would tell me to "wait for the fat pitch" before doing something, but I never had the patience.
My motto for the people who worked on the team at my last employer was "Keep Pushing," but now I am not so sure that is the way.
This lack of patience took over all areas of my life. It was one of a host of reasons I became an addict. I was happy with being high, but I always forcing myself into situations to get even higher.
I still suffer from a lack of patience, but I don’t feel the need to fix things because there is nothing to be fixed. There is no division that I think is “fucked up”, nor any relationship that I need to give up on.
Now I have a little more patience and try to wait for the great shot on goal instead of forcing marginal shots.
I admire the pelican.