I have noticed that my conception of time is changing.
For my entire life, I have viewed time as a commodity like oil or soybeans.
All of the language I used to describe time supported this view:
"Time is money." "I am spending too much time." "I am saving time by doing it this way." "I am losing time." "I am wasting time here." "This is not worth my time."
Over the last 7 weeks I have noticed myself using these expressions, when I had never been conscious of saying them before.
What is "time?" Is it something that should be tallied like a balance sheet? When I approach it this way, I find myself restless and constantly asking "What's next?" I feel that no matter what I am doing, there could be a better way to "spend" my time. As a result, I always have FOMO and always feel like I could be using my "precious" time better that I am. Inevitably, I wind up feeling I have "mis-managed" my time.
I have no idea how to define "time." But stepping away from Wall Street has helped me to see that treating it as a commodity has not worked and that maybe it is just the "present moment."
Maybe I should try to look at time like the Hopi Indians did (according to Benjamin Whorf).
As of today, July 6, I have been alive 16,440 days. Each of the moments in each of those days has been part of my life experience. In my opinion, I did not "spend", "save", "lose", "earn", "gain" or "waste" any of those moments.
Tomorrow, God willing, will be day 16,441.