I was just laying in the backyard, placating my "tanorexia" and listening to some of the anthems of my youth ("August and Everything After" by the Counting Crows). The album, one of the best ever from beginning to end, brought me back to my days at West Point in 1994. Normally, this music simply makes me think of the insanity of those years, both good and bad.
Today I felt something different. I experienced an emotion stir in me that I had not felt since nearly half my life ago when I was listening to the Counting Crows for the first time.
That emotion was the feeling of possibility. In 1994, I felt I was invincible, like many 21 year olds. But I also felt that the road was wide open for me in every direction. Everything was possible back then and I didn't feel "stuck" ever. My learning curve was ramping every single day and the wind was at my back.
For the last 22 years that feeling of possibility has waned in me. There were plenty of moments of happiness and plenty of sadness, but I experienced all these emotions while staying in my narrow lane. I felt I was "stuck" on my route with no way of ever shifting my path.
Now that I have changed my route, suddenly I feel that possibility again. As scary as it was, and still is, to jerk the steering wheel hard in a different direction, it has sparked something in me. I do not feel invincible like I did in my early twenties (thank God), but I do feel something stirring in me again. I believe it is fear, excitement, anxiety, and many other emotions.
Most importantly, I believe it is life I am feeling again. A life where I am no longer "stuck", but one with lanes that have opened up again for me in all directions.